For a long time after my mom passed away, I lost my voice and my creative juices. It wasn’t just the losing her, although I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me before, but it was also the many months that led up to that day. It was her long illness and the heartbreak and helplessness of watching her disappear before my eyes as she slowly lost her breath to COPD, and finally her life. There were other losses during that time, many other reluctant goodbyes, and it all simply emptied me out. So I set my writing life aside and tried to figure out how to process the layers of grief and regret, how to regain my emotional footing after a yearlong free-fall. Eight months ago, words started to bubble up in my head, little teases and glimpses of ideas and improvements for the book I was working on before my mom got sick. At first I ignored them. I just wasn’t interested. But eventually, I couldn’t ignore them anymore and I reread the book and began to work on it again.
And now it’s finished, and although I thought it would be published early in September, it somehow happened that September 30th was the day it was finally ready to go, which I think is pretty cool. Because it was three years ago on 9/30/08 that my mom died and it suddenly felt like I had been given the opportunity to take that date back and fill it with something joyful to honor my mom and my own creative spirit. By the end of the day on the 30th however, it didn’t look like I’d get the okay from CreateSpace in time to publish and I was pretty depressed as I got ready for bed that night. Just before midnight, I went downstairs to check my e-mail one last time and the notification was there! It felt like my own moment of ordinary magic as I sat in the dark in front of a glowing computer screen and hit the “publish” button just minutes before September 30th ended.
A blogging friend wrote this recently in a comment, “I still miss my Mom, and she died a long, long time ago. Luckily, her spirit still inspires me.” Now, every year when September 30th rolls around, I will still think of my mom. I’ll think how lucky am I to have had her in my life for as long as I did, to have grown up in a house full of books and love, to have so many wonderful memories of my mom to inspire me as I go forward. How lucky am I? Damn lucky indeed.
If you think you’d like to take a chance on a newly minted author and read my book, the paperback is available now on Amazon and it will be coming soon to Barnes & Noble, Kindle, Nook, and iBooks:)
bookbabie 
Love, love, love this post!!!
Love this! And congrats on your book!!
My post is above, guess I wasn’t logged in sorry!!!
I love love LOVE this post!
Congratulations on your book! So proud!
Thanks baby sister, glad it’s finally out there, although it is a little scary to put a piece of myself “out there” which is how it feels (hence the previous blog post and Kierkegaard quotation!)
Congrats to you Lilli!! I can now say I know a published author…you may just be the inspiration I need to write my story. Thanks and I look forward to reading the entire story!!
Start writing old friend, I’d love to read your story!
I’m happy that you “birthed” the book on that special date. Your mother would be so proud!
Thanks Barb 🙂
Congratulations! I’m glad you have something exciting to add to the meaning of that day. I’ve added your book to my shopping list for the next trip to B&N — I really need a new book and I’m looking forward to yours! Congrats again!
Thanks Kc, not sure when Barnes & Noble will get it but I’ll let you know!
Congrats on your book.=) Sounds like a very good book and I love the cover. Your mother continues to live on through your words.
Thanks Sandy!
Congratulations on your book! For sure your mom will be very proud of you…wish to read this book one day!
Congrats. I hope you write another and another and another.
Thanks Jenny, it’s been quite a journey, time will tell if I take it again!
Hi Lillie, thanks for using my crescent moon photo as a background illustration for your book; I think it worked very well. I wish you the best of luck with your book and future writings!
Thanks David, your photo did work out great, so glad I found it!
Aww…i’m misting up a bit over this post, i’m so happy for you! And i just bought it for my Kindle, so exciting! i love how God has given me a little hope through you today. 🙂
Thanks Julia, it was quite the journey seeing it through to publication, I’m glad I did it though and I hope people enjoy reading it and find something in the story they can identify with and even find comfort from. I appreciate your friendship and support, it’s amazing to me how people we’ve never met in person can help us get through the day sometimes.
Lilli, I’d love to read your book on my kindle.
Jan Marshall (Milo and Alfie’s mom) ~ I used to have my own blog called “A Curious State of Affairs” ~ which you used to visit. Now I’m on FB.
Hi Jan, I looked on Facebook but there are several Jan Marshall’s, send me a friend request though if you want to hook up over there too! Milo and Alfie have a cute blog, I do hope you read my book. Milo and Alfie might like it too, a cat named Rufus gets adopted in one chapter!
Lilli, I just downloaded your book to my kindle. As soon as I’ve finished the book I’m reading I will start it! Can’t wait.
I found your FB page but there is no friends request button ~ just a subscribe option. So how do I send you a request? I pressed “like” on the post about your book ~ so maybe you can find my page from there and send me a request?
Jan x
Found you and sent a friend request to you!
Such a beautifully worded post – you’ve successfully made me tear up! http://fitlifefunlife.wordpress.com/
Ah well, I seem to have a talent for that Tina, guess I better scratch being a stand-up comedienne off my bucket list 😉
I just came to visit after you left a comment on my blog (which I thank you for…) I love the title and cover of your book and would love to read it! Mostly I just want to say that I understand completely what you are saying… My mom passed away 8 years ago. It was terribly hard (still is to this day) but she continues to inspire me and a lot of my creativity is because of her and FOR her!
I am glad to ‘meet’ you and look forward to seeing more of your work here on the www 🙂
all my best,
kae pea
Thanks Kristen, I also love meeting new friends on the web, especially other artists and writers, occupations that often leave one feeling a bit isolated!
I just came over after I saw your visit to my blog and saw this entry and it really touched me. It looks a beautiful book and I love the way you described how it came about. Death touches us in difficult and profound ways. My father died when I was 26, its the anniversary of his death (OMG! its just turned 12am in the UK on the 1st) today. This is what I call no coincidence. Thanks for sharing you have a lovely blog.
Wow, sorry you lost your dad at such a young age. That is so strange and cool that we connected now and you happened to read my post at that moment though. I keep thinking I should make a list of all the “coincidences” like this that seem to have deeper meaning in my life, something to read when I’m feeling alone or hopeless. My blog has served that purpose for me at times. Thanks for stopping by:)